In a move everyone knew was coming—at least, everyone who saw “Jurassic Park”—Professor George Church, a Harvard geneticist, is requesting a female volunteer to bear a child using Neanderthal DNA. Where, oh where, I wonder, will he find such an adventurous lassie? Possibly from among the scores of unemployed coeds who can’t even get a job at Starbuck’s these days and for whose lives a degree in Gender Studies has prepared them very little.

Mind you, I have nothing personal against Neanderthals; a dear friend is married to one. I’m sure they’re all good people. I’m just wondering though, what the unintended consequences of this mad act of hubris will be. For instance, who will have custody of this child? Presumably the mother; but what if, after having him tear up her couch a couple of times, she no longer wants him? Who will raise him—the Harvard Genetics lab? This is not to mention—though I will—the various physical, emotional and psychological burdens such a person, so conceived, might have to bear for several decades.

Seriously. What is going to happen to this chimera if he is ever born? He will not “technically” be a human being, and, so, he will not be treated as a human being; he will live the life of a freak, a specimen. We must pray that Professor Church has a change of mind. Maybe he can be convinced to pursue a genetic project I suspect would be of more value to society; say, replicating a couple of Tyrannosaurus Rex and turning them loose for a weekend in Washington D.C., thus generating valuable behavioral data on ancient saurians and cleaning the political swamp in one fell swoop.

Be of good cheer, fellow Christians; we are rapidly approaching the end of the tube. I think I see light ahead. A renascence of sanity cannot be far behind.